I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
