Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
