I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
