Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
