I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
