whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
