She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
