fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
