I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
