No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
