the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
