"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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