If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
