Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
