My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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