So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
