I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
