How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
