Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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