i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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