thus making me awesome and them whores
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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