Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
