I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
