Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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