ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
