sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
