I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
