Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
