Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
