she was so not down for the gang bang
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
bring money and cleavage
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
