All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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