names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
