Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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