she was so not down for the gang bang
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
