mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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