She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
