There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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