You really coming over, don't trick.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
