True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
