my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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