Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
