i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
