I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
