Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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