The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
