i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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