just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
