I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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