Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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