If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
