You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
